Have a government
Federal, state, city, county, authority. Schmordl is flexible. A government is required.
Bob Schmordl Civil Engineer Unsolicited offeror
SCHMORDL
Schmordl would like a government contract in transportation engineering. Schmordl would like it very much. Schmordl would not like to sell schmordl.com, give it away, or hear that a “businessman” invented the name Schmordl.
Dynamic message sign · Schmordl corridor
Unsolicited proposal · SCHMORDL-001
THE ASK
AWAITING AWARD
NOT FOR SALE
A government contract in transportation, awarded to Schmordl.
This page is an unsolicited proposal from Schmordl — Bob Schmordl, civil engineer — who has wanted a government contract in the transportation industry for a slightly embarrassing amount of time. Above all else, Schmordl wants a government contract. Not a newsletter. Not a handshake. Not a domain sale. Not a free domain. Not a prize for claiming to have invented the name Schmordl. A contract.
Schmordl does not currently hold a government contract. Schmordl would like to hold a government contract. Schmordl is prepared to become, immediately, the kind of person who holds a government contract in transportation engineering.
Agencies of the United States, state departments of transportation, counties, cities, MPOs, transit authorities, turnpike commissions, port authorities, and any other government with a road, a bridge, a lane, or a budget: Schmordl is ready. Schmordl does not yet know how to bid. Schmordl is extremely willing to be told.
- Project
- Government contract
- Client
- A government (yours). Never a “businessman.”
- Engineer of record
- Schmordl, Bob
Above all else, Schmordl wants a government contract. Schmordl is not giving schmordl.com to anyone.
Tabulation · unsolicited
UNSOLICITED INQUIRIES
Schmordl does not sell domains. Schmordl does not give domains away. Schmordl does not cofound. Schmordl wants a government contract. A “businessman” has been inquiring, then demanding the domain for free, on the theory that he “came up with the name Schmordl.” Schmordl is laughing. Schmordl still has not learned the man’s name. It is not a contracting officer’s name, and it is certainly not Schmordl.
| Inquiry | From | Disposition |
|---|---|---|
| Purchase of schmordl.com | A “businessman.” No verifiable businesses found. | Declined. Schmordl is using the domain. |
| The domain, for free | The same, escalating. Now it should be a gift. | Declined. Harder. Schmordl is not giving schmordl.com to anyone. |
| “I invented the name Schmordl” | The “businessman,” inventing a biography. | Laughter. Schmordl’s name is Schmordl’s. The claim is not a deed. |
| Cofounder / “let’s build” | The same, recently. A pattern of cofounders. Subsequent legal weather. | Declined. Schmordl is not a cofounder. Schmordl has noticed. |
| Verifiable businesses | — | None found. Still declined. Still laughing. |
| A government contract in transportation | A government | The only acceptable inquiry. Please proceed to the Bid Desk. |
If the “businessman” has a government, he may award a contract. He may not have the domain. He did not invent Schmordl.
Personnel · Schmordl
THE SCHMORDL
Bob Schmordl is a civil engineer who thinks about interchanges the way other people think about birthdays. Sight distance moves him. A clean gore area can make his week. He has a cloverleaf on his desk and a hard hat that has been waiting, loyally, for an official reason.
What Schmordl wants — more than a nicer title, more than a corner office, more than being asked how to pronounce Schmordl a second time — is a government contract in transportation engineering. Federal. State. Local. Schmordl is not picky about the government. Schmordl is picky about the contract existing, and about the contract being awarded to Schmordl.
On the Schmordl desk sits a binder labeled THE BID. Inside: a printed article titled “What is SAM.gov?”, a highlighted page of the AASHTO Green Book, and a sticky note that says, in full, “GET CONTRACT.” The procurement process is a mystery Schmordl is eager to solve in the general direction of an award.
Pronunciation: Schmordl. Like it looks. Please say Schmordl on the
award letter. Please put Schmordl on the contract. Please do not claim you invented
it. Schmordl is laughing.
Scope · transportation
THE SCHMORDL CORRIDOR
If it moves people or freight and a government is paying for it, Schmordl would like to be involved. Ideally under contract. Specifically a government contract. Named Schmordl.
| Highways & arterials | Mainline, frontage, resurfacing, reconstruction, and the quiet joy of a well-designed auxiliary lane. Schmordl would like these to appear in a government contract. |
|---|---|
| Bridges & structures | Overpasses, underpasses, river crossings, and anything a truck can legally love. Schmordl will stand on it proudly once the government contract is signed. |
| Interchanges | Cloverleafs, diamonds, turbines, diverging diamonds, and whatever the traffic model demands. Schmordl has a scale model. Schmordl is not kidding. |
| Intersections & streets | Signals, roundabouts, complete streets, and the politics of a left-turn lane. Suitable for city and county governments with contracts. |
| Transit & multimodal | Bus corridors, queue jumps, stations, and the spaces between modes. If a government is funding it, Schmordl is interested, contractually. |
| Drainage, because of course | Every corridor has drainage. Schmordl accepts this. Schmordl will also accept a government contract that happens to include drainage. |
Preferred delivery: any delivery, so long as a government contract is awarded to Schmordl.
Evaluation factors · honest
SCHMORDL READINESS
Schmordl believes in full disclosure. The desire is not in question. The procurement paperwork is a growth area.
Desire for a government contract
100%
Transportation civil engineering
88%
Willingness to learn procurement
100%
Ability to say Schmordl on a call
94%
Current knowledge of how to bid
6%
SAM.gov registration
soon
Schmordl will learn immediately
- How to bid on a government contract
- Which portal the bid goes in
- The difference between an RFP, RFQ, IFB, and “please”
- FAR, DFARS, and whatever else the contract requires
- CAGE codes, UEI numbers, and the rest of the alphabet
Schmordl already brings
- A civil engineer named Schmordl
- An unreasonable focus on transportation
- Availability, starting now
- A binder, a hard hat, and a website named Schmordl
- The sincere belief that a government contract should be awarded to Schmordl
Instructions to the government
HOW TO AWARD SCHMORDL
Schmordl has reverse-engineered the process from first principles. It appears to be the following.
Have transportation
A road, a bridge, a transit line, a study, a design, a corridor. Something that moves.
Have a contract
This is the important part. Schmordl is told these can be bid. Schmordl is ready to learn.
Put Schmordl on it
Prime, sub, consultant, task order, emergency hire. The word Schmordl should appear.
Tell Schmordl
Schmordl will handle enthusiasm, engineering, and the sudden education in bidding.
Offer · open until awarded
THE BID
Schmordl does not know whether this is an RFP, an RFQ, a sources-sought notice, a set-aside, a task order, or simply a website. Schmordl is fine with any of those, provided a government contract in transportation engineering is at the other end, and that the name on it is Schmordl.
If you are a contracting officer, a project manager, a public-works director, or a person who knows a person: Schmordl is the civil engineer who will not make you chase him. Schmordl is already here. Schmordl wants the contract.
Direct line: bob@schmordl.com
Portal unknown · not SAM.gov
Schmordl Bid Desk
Five steps. Zero awards so far. Schmordl does not know which portal this is, and is prepared to file anyway.
Open the Bid Desk